So…Sébastien did a horrible thing to me.
I know, I know. You’re like, “Oh, shut up, you spoiled brat. We saw his picture. We read that book. You just QUIT complaining.”
BUT. But, but, but. JUST LISTEN.
You know how the day after Easter, all the candy goes on sale? And most of it is perfectly good candy, it’s just shaped like bunnies. And me, you know, I could not care less if I am eating chocolate shaped like a bunny the day after Easter. I’m okay with it. I would probably wear white shoes after Labor Day, too, if I hadn’t lived in Paris too long and therefore no longer have anything white in my wardrobe.
So…we are walking along down the Easter candy aisle, and Sébastien is doing his usual incredulous French thing at what passes for decent candy in the U.S., which is NOT helpful, I mean, I REALIZE we have an inferior selection. More bunnies, but otherwise inferior.
When, all the sudden, in the midst of this snobism, he spies:
CIRCUS PEANUTS. The Chicks & Rabbits Easter version in pretty pastels, but still Circus Peanuts.
“FINALLY,” Sébastien says. “Something good.”
I look at it. I look at him. “I’m sorry, have you been shaking your head in homesick despair over all the other candy here, only to choose CIRCUS PEANUTS as the good stuff?”
(Steve Almond, author of Candyfreak, on Circus Peanuts: “a mixture of fascination and disgust. It’s a completely baffling candy.”)
“It looks like something we used to have when I was little,” Sébastien said and got a bag.
And here’s the thing. I do NOT LIKE Peeps, despite impressions that may have been left by earlier posts. And I do NOT like Circus Peanuts. I really think any sugar that isn’t chocolate is a pure waste of my waistline.
BUT. But, but, but…
I ate the whole bag in one day. They were ADDICTIVE. It was like eating…candy.
And then Sébastien complained he had only had one before they disappeared, so I went back and got another bag. (For HIM. Really.)
And ate it in three days. (I was slowing down a little, but still.)
The NEXT time I had a chance to go back, all the Chicks & Rabbits were gone, so I had to get regular Circus Peanuts.
I have now eaten THREE bags since Easter. For a chocolate snob, this is humiliating. I can’t figure out what’s happened to me. Neither can my jeans.
And the worst of it is, the first two bags were on sale, so only had half the calories, but the last one was FULL PRICE and so not reduced in any way at all.
AND I leave for France in two weeks. AND my mother-in-law could wear her regular jeans home from the hospital after she had her babies.
WHAT am I to do? What would YOU do? Would you, by any chance…practice self-restraint? Maybe don’t tell me if that’s what you would do. I need advice that I can live up to.
Is it possible…
I…no, it just can’t be that I eat too much chocolate plus, now, circus peanuts.
I think it’s Sébastien’s fault. Blame it on him.