The Chocolate Monster
Okay, I just want to check:
Is this the kind of thing that happens to other parents or would it only happen to me?
My 20-month-old daughter stomps around the house growling, “Cho-klat, cho-klat, cho-klat.”
Her adorable smiling face sets into an intense scowl at refusal. She Hunts. I think she must Sniff It Out. That’s the only explanation I can think of. She finds it EVERYWHERE.
She finds it in the depths of dark caves of cupboards. If it’s on the counter hidden behind large objects, she drags me over to the counter, says, “Uppy, uppy”, then points at the large object hiding it and says, “Cho-klat, cho-klat.”
Demands, rather. Trouble ensues if I try to redirect her onto, say, a banana.
Please note that my plan for my daughter’s chocolate development was that she shouldn’t have it until she was 21. No use wasting all my good chocolate on a child, I said. She might be allergic.
Unfortunately, she grew obsessively interested in trying the brown stuff Mommy kept putting in her mouth at a very young age. Then Sébastien went and fed her Nutella (Europeans think Nutella is a healthy breakfast) so I knew she really wasn’t allergic. Also, the odds of a child of myself and Sébastien being allergic to CHOCOLATE are so slim that probably, if it had happened, we would have had to check and see if there was a mistake at the hospital.
So I said: I will solve this problem. NO child likes dark chocolate. My friends’ child doesn’t.� Even I used to prefer milk chocolate until I was at least four.� I will give her some super dark chocolate, and she will say YUCK, and then she will quit pitching fits when her mommy eats it in front of her without giving her any.
THIS PLAN DID NOT WORK.
Now she stalkss around the house saying, “Cho-klat.” And if she doesn’t get it, she gives you the SCOWL. And the MAD TEMPER TANTRUM. And if, by any chance, one has Already Yielded to the Scowl and said, “Okay, one tiny square of chocolate [organic! very dark almost no sugar! NO JUDGING MY PARENTING, ANYBODY!], and that is it”–if one has done that, THEN she will have this whole growly effect going on around the chocolate in her mouth, and she will GRIN at you, and all the melted chocolate all over her teeth will give her this totally Evil Grin effect.
And I am out of hiding places! She has memorized every possible one, and she goes from place to place checking until she finds which spot the chocolate is in this time!
What do I do? You know I have always said chocolate is a health food, but it’s MY health food. She’s supposed to stick with peas and carrots.
I have created a monster!
AND YOU CAN STOP SNICKERING AND SAYING I’VE GOTTEN MY JUST DESSERTS.
THAT PUN ABOUT DESSERTS IS NOT FUNNY.