This torturing people with chocolate has its drawbacks, namely masochism.
Since, you know, here I am with no chocolate witches, deep in the South, no French chocolatiers anywhere around.
So I said to myself, This cannot do.
I will MAKE chocolate witches my very own self.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
But after a Google search failed to unGoogle any suitable witch candy molds, I changed my mind.
I will make chocolate witch BROOMSTICKS my very own self. No mold needed.
But after I began peeling the oranges, and my peels produced nothing like the elegant, even pieces needed to produce candied, orange broomstick straw, I changed my mind.
Witches, I said. Really, since I AM the chocolate witch, I can’t start eating other chocolate witches, that would be cannibalism. Anyway, we’re focusing on the flavor here, and the flavor means candied orange peel and chocolate. If I were to trim this orange peel into something more elegant, I would be wasting orange peel, and a waste of orange peel means a waste of ORANGE PEEL COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.
So…I am calling these Chocolate Medusas.
Because my peels look a bit like Medusa*** locks.
Also, it isn’t cannibalism, because I am NOT a Chocolate Medusa, except on days when it is excessively humid. Guess how many days a year that is in North Carolina. If you guessed 523, go back and count how many days a year there are again.
***By an interesting coincidence, méduse is also the French word for jellyfish. This is oddly apt because, seriously, look at these things:
Do they not look like jellyfish washed up on the beach?
[I also made candied grapefruit peel, because I LOVE candied grapefruit dipped in chocolate, but it is much harder to find. In fact, I have only found it one place, and I can’t remember anymore if it was somewhere around the Place Madeleine in Paris or at my favorite chocolatier ever, which is in Bruges/Brugge, Belgium.]
So here are my serpent-tongued but do-not-taste-like-serpent-or-even-chicken attempts to fulfill a craving for fine chocolate fancies. The Chocolate Medusas. Or Méduses au Chocolat.
Does this qualify for a witch laugh? Please tell me I get to do the witch laugh.
Heh heh heh.
The Chocolate Witch
P.S. I feel I should give some of these away. If you want some, post a comment that says, “Yes, you may do the witch laugh ALL YOU WANT,” and I will draw a name from a Sorting Hat and send them.
The only part of the deal is, the person who gets them must then go tell all her or his friends and/or blog and/or possibly put up a billboard that says, “Laura Florand is the Most Wonderfullest and Wittingest Author in the Whole World AND she looks like Veronica Lake AND Emmanuelle Béart AND her voice sounds like Lauren Bacall’s AND she can make Chocolate Medusas. SO THERE.” You have to use those exact words.